The walk

Today is 15th of March. My final report submission is due on 31st. I don't know why but I don't feel really excited about it. I'm not being a prejudist but to be honest that is how I feel. Instead, I feel sad that few good things are going to end. But anyways that is the way life is. You can't hold on to the same things forever. May be it wants you to get a taste of everything. Priorities have greatly changed for me over the years. I remember how tears blurred my vision when I stepped out of college couple of years ago. College days gifted me memories to carry along for my whole life. Today when I think about it, I feel everything was perfect in those days. Perfection to me is a state of mind. It is a very sad fact that things which may seem perfect today might depreciate to "lesser perfect" ones tomorrow. I hate to say that but I've seen it happening unless properly maintained. It has got very little to do with comparing results with an already set standard. In a sense it is similar to love. You can never find a perfect person but people can always be loved perfectly.

I went out for a walk today morning. Just like that. I love to do that at times. All by myself. After having a great evening with friends yesterday, the walk seemed to be asking me to appreciate Mother Nature for a while. The air was cool. I like the feel of cool air kissing me. The flowers seemed to give out an extra gleam with their share of morning dew. I decided to walk to the lake nearby. As I switched to the footpath from the private roads of Sibly, I spotted an old British couple coming from the other side. Their hands were locked just like the newly wed. They were finding it difficult to walk but that didn't seem to worry them at all. They looked happy and contented with each other. As I approached them I wished them "Good Morning!!!"..."Very good morning indeed" they replied. I walked past them but something made me turn around and take a second look. Just felt like taking a second look at their locked hands.;).

There is a very small lake with a small children's' park nearby. Lower Earley is a beautiful place. Most of the people in the neighbourhood seemed to put in some extra effort to make their garden look beautiful. After coming from a place with 34 amazing lakes and around 50 rain fed rivers, I don't even feel like calling the water body I see here a lake. Hmm...ഉള്ളതായി...;). As I sat on one of the wooden benches, I was reminded of the long chats me and ma cousins used to have on the banks of the lake near my home. Seems like yesterday. Time is another wonderful thing. People at times say that time seemed to zoom past them. Just like a car dashing towards us from a distance might seem to be "expanding slowly" but zooms past us like whoosh...and then starts "contracting" behind us. Stephen Hawking has mentioned in his "Brief history of time" that even though the earth is moving along a straight line in four-dimensional space-time, to the naked eye it is all circular motion around the sun. Perspective can change everything. Even time can be infected. The ducks in the lake seemed not at all bothered about how complex things were in the universe. They were happy and contented with whatever they had. Why do humans who call themselves "superior" fail to be happy even if they are successful? Does the answer come back to the word "perspective"? Most often, it is not until people to lose what they have that they realize and appreciate the value of what they had.

There was not a single person to be seen in the area. It was just me and those ducks. The ducks seemed to pass on some of their peacefulness on to me. The very thought made me smile. ;). I stood up with a sigh. As I started walking back, the "to-do list" for the day popped up in front of my eyes. The smile on my face didn't fade away. The ducks had already infused in me all the energy I would need for the day.

Christmas eve

I had learned the act of picking up the key of my room from the three keys on my key-chain without having to look at it. As I stood outside the door I realized that it was the eve of Christmas. The corridor was empty. No surprises. It was six in the morning. And everybody at the hall had left five days ago. It was just me, myself and I in the whole of Sibly.

The sound made by the opening of the door seemed to echo through the narrow corridor. As the door shut behind me, I dropped my heavy bag on the coffee table and took a look around. Hmm...the room was not that dirty. I had cleaned up the mess and hoovered the carpet just two days ago. Few IET magazines were lying scattered on my bed however. Lyn had left them for me before he left for US. He was a Ph.d student at the university. He decided to discontinue with the program after his first year. I still don't know why he dropped out inspite of being successful and getting the best scholarship the university had on offer. It is true that money is not everything. But dousing away what was denied to many did n't seem to be a sensible decision to me. Above all Ph.D is about survival. And more than what is gained technically during the course, it is the attitude that is re-moulded. The troubled waters would have transformed ordinary crew to seasoned sailors. I felt there was no wonder in people being awarded a Doctor of "Philosophy" degree even after chasing secrets of "Science" for 3-5 years.

I picked up all the IETs lying on my bed and placed them on the chair. As I rested myself on the bed, the tiredness of the sleepless night caught my eyes. After setting the alarm to 1 p.m., I plunged myself in to the comfort of my bed. Hoping at least dreams could give me some success.

Bed seemed to be pulling me towards it with some sort of magnetic force. Even my hands seemed to stuck to the bed. I turned over pulling the bed-spread over my chest. My hand groped around for my watch which was supposed to be on the coffee-table nearby. Found it. I opened my eyes after I was sure the watch was right in front. 10 minutes to 1. Hmm...'m early. Deciding to wait till the alarm went off, I stretched my hands to draw the curtains. It does n't get very sunny in this part of the world. Can't even guess the time by looking outside the window. Things have changed since I came to the UK. It has been almost an year now. The experience has changed me. As an individual and as a person. Experiencing new culture and interacting with people from diverse socio-economic and cultural environment helped to explore unknown territories of diversiloquent and miscegenated lot. But there are things that still remain the same. Topping that list would be the basic character. I still love and hate people without reason. The list just got longer.

Laalaalallaallaallaa...the alarm went off. My alarm sounds like devil's kids singing a nursery rhyme with dracula saying "waaakeee upppp" in the background. Trust me, you won't feel like sleeping if you hear that alarm even if it is a freezing Sunday morning with snow falling heavily outside. Come on...nobody is going to wake up if the alarm is a seductive voice which says "time to get out of bed". Jabal always hated my alarm. Back during college days, he used to go to bed at 4 only to be woken up at 6 by the sound of my alarm. As soon as he finishes swearing at me and hid himself under the blanket, Ghosh's alarm would go off. The memory brought a wicked smile on my face.

I woke up and sat on my bed. After "morning" prayers, it was time start the "day". I looked at myself in the mirror. I'd definitely lost weight. My eyes looked drowsy but I was not feeling the same. The memory of the alarm had woken me up. I always believed in the power of memories. The impression they make on your brain can influence your very thoughts and ideologies abaout life. They have always given me an appraisal of mood. Same with music as well. I don't understand the complex notes of Karnatic or Hindustani music, but I know a beautiful rhythm can tranquilize the pains of the most troubled minds. A baby's smile can also serve the same purpose. It might be hard to find the analogy between the two, but as long as they remain true, things are fine on planet earth. Experience, memories and thoughts always seemed to be analogous to me. Experience become memories...thoughts evolve from experience...and the combined effect of both experience and memories give rise to more thoughts.

After all mundane activities i got ready to leave for the university. I never cared about the looks anymore. My hair deserved a hair cut more than any sheep on planet earth. Frameless glasses along with stubbly beard and shaggy hair gave me a nerdy look. To compliment that the weather always demanded me to wear my black sweater over my shirt. Black jacket and denim blue jeans with my white sports shoes compeleted my "attire". Yup...everything was set for another day's work. Bloody hell...it was Christmas eve and there I was...about to set out to celebrate Christmas in Active Robotics Laboratory, University of Reading, UK.

I grabbed my keys, bag, purse, mobile and access cards to the labs and halls. As I took a final look around I spotted my dead hp laptop right in the middle of my study table. And the story of this blog starts there. And how the "death" of my laptop reminded me of something I had forgotten completely. Never did I know that when my laptop went dead with all the work I had done for my final dissertation over the past many months, Life was trying to draw my attention to something else. And that something was life itself.

I stepped out of my room and shut the door behind me. I knew to pick the key to door without looking at my key chain...